i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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