Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
