I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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