i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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