She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize