And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
