At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
