Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
