I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
