If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
