I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
