chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize