Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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