If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
