You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
