I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
