On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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