The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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