I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
