i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
