Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
