Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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