bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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