4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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