I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
