Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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