According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You are a genius and a whore.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
