He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
