Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
