I got chris browned last night
it wasn't lemon gatorade
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
what day is it and did you see me today?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
