then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Randomize