I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
