Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
