eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
