I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize