i already hear my dad disowning me
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
