I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
