woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
