I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
