I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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