After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
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