i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
