I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
