sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
