when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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