I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
