yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
