So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
