I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Randomize
