i'm lost and i look like a hooker
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
