I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
