At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
a search helicopter?!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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