He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
