I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
