hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
