My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
