im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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