My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
