Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
we should paint friendship bongs
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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