i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Randomize