maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
