you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
