dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
