Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
