Quick, to the slutcave!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
