i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
