Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
