While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
